or her way -- swimming to the side, ducking under, whatever.
Now, it's not sporting to try to hit someone, but the rule is
clear: You are not required to pull out of the wave or mess up a good
ride simply because someone oblivious to the rule is in front of you.
Every regular beachgoer knows the Rule of Right of Way, and they
probably learned it the hard way -- by getting run over a few times.
But new times demand new methods, so I propose creating the USBA --
short for United States Beach Assn. -- charged with the
responsibility of collecting these rules of common law and printing
them in a booklet for public distribution. Novice beachgoers could
get a copy and save themselves all sorts of dunkings and bruises.
*
In 1513, a Spanish explorer named Vasco Nunez de Balboa slogged
for 25 days through the jungles of Central America and came upon the
biggest ocean in the world. History tells us that he was the first
white man to gaze upon the Pacific Ocean and so ... forget all the
indigenous people who were quite aware of this large body of water.
Forget the Polynesians, Micronesians and Melanesians who'd been
sailing across this watery expanse. In the history books, Balboa gets
credit for having "discovered" it. His reward for this discovery? A
few years later he was convicted of treason, beheaded in a public
square and his remains "thrown to the vultures." I always like that
"thrown to the vultures" bit. That has a lot more pizazz than being
interred in Forest Lawn.
Why this particular bit of historic trivia? To lament that this
city is named Newport rather than Balboa. Other than a town in Panama
and this village, the name Balboa seems to have lost out. On the
other hand, Newport seems to be a very popular name, even though I
can think of nothing or no one of note connected with the name. Let's
face it. Newport is blah, yet there are Newports in Arkansas,
Kentucky, Nebraska, North Carolina, Indiana, Vermont, New Hampshire,
Oregon, Washington and Rhode Island, and I've probably missed a few.
While I haven't been to most of them, I would like to visit Newport,
Kentucky. They publicize the Newport Aquarium on the Ohio River.
Admission is $10, and that includes a cocktail. Now that's my kind of
aquarium.
