A Word, Please:

I had a nice conversation recently with a Burbank English teacher who wanted to get to the bottom of a question that had plagued him since he was a student. Why, he wanted know, had he been taught to say “I appreciate your taking the time to meet with me” instead of “I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me”?

Here’s another example of the issue: “Joe resented Mary’s arriving late” vs. “Joe resented Mary arriving late.”

One more: “I’m shocked at Betty’s saying that” as opposed to “I’m shocked at Betty saying that.”

In other words, is it better to use a possessive like “Betty’s” before an “-ing” form, or just the plain-old non-possessive noun, “Betty, ” and, most important: Why?

Yes, a possessive like “your” before an “-ing” form is considered by traditionalists to be better. But all the experts say the plain-old “you” is often acceptable, too. So the most important thing to know is that you can trust your own ear.

But when you approach it as our teacher friend did, asking why, that’s when it gets interesting.

Look at the sentence: “I appreciate your visiting.” Break it down. “I” is the subject and “appreciate” is the verb.

So what, exactly, are those other two words doing there? Well, our verb “appreciate” calls for an object and, indeed, one of those two words is doing the job. But which one? Remember that objects are usually nouns or pronouns. “I appreciate Steve” or “I appreciate him.” Yet neither of the two words after “appreciate” seem to resemble garden-variety nouns or pronouns — that is, until you remember what a gerund is.

A gerund is a verb in its -ing form that’s doing the job of (drum roll, please) a noun. So in “Walking is good exercise,” the verb of the sentence is “is.” The word “walking” is pinch hitting as a subject. As a noun. That’s called a gerund. So in “I appreciate your visiting,” the thing being appreciated is the visiting itself. The word “your” is acting as a modifier. Grammatically, all the pieces fit.

But when you say “I appreciate you visiting,” you’ve replaced your modifier with a pronoun, “you,” which works just like a noun. It’s as if you have two nouns both vying for the job of object of your verb. And that’s why sticklers say that, in these constructions, you should use a possessive with your gerund.