Crescenta Valley Columnist Contest:

Welcome to the fifth and final installment of the Crescenta Valley Columnist Contest. Yes, we know, last week we said it the final entry, but that was an error. We mean it this time. E-mail your choice of writer to jason.wells@latimes.com, or e-mail it to Crescenta Valley Columnist Contest, Glendale News-Press, 221 N. Brand Blvd., Glendale CA 91203. We’ll be announcing the winner shortly.

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Can we break our addiction to grass?

In England, where the first sprawling lawns originated, the climate is temperate. Rain falls more often. And fields of green grass can be appreciated and respected with no concern over their impact on natural resources.

Unfortunately, the Crescenta Valley is more like an irrigated desert. We no longer have the water to quench the insatiable thirst of these big green monsters. And I for one think it’s time lawns went the way of the dinosaur.

Now, before you start swinging croquet mallets at my noggin, let me assure you that I am not an anti-turf-ite. I mean, just because my dad lovingly tended a dichondra lawn so perfectly pristine I was never allowed to play on it doesn’t give me some diabolical resentment of grass.

My own issues aside, studies show the average American household uses between 30% and 50% of its water outdoors. Recent water restrictions in Los Angeles County now prohibit watering except for two days a week and only for a few minutes before and after sunset.

If we can agree there are climate changes happening, then we need to act. If we can’t agree on that, consider the opposite. There is no such thing as climate change. Thus, it’s impossible for the dry zone we live in to suddenly become a moist region where lawns thrive!

Being the owner of a particularly large front lawn, I’ve begun to feel pangs of guilt over how much water is used to keep it alive. Additionally, my wallet has begun to feel the siphoning effect of $600 Glendale Water & Power bills.

I could easily remove my lawn in favor of drought-tolerant landscaping. But when I’ve discussed euthanizing my sod with neighbors, I get no sense of support. Some even seem to resent the fact that I’m disturbing the status quo:

“I don’t want the view from my window to be some Dr. Seuss landscape!”

“I’ll report you to the Glendale Design Review Board!”

“Your insane plan is going to lower the value of every home in the neighborhood!”