A Balcony View: The art of venting through letters

August 31, 2010|By Gary Huerta

Every week, I get letters from readers. While I may not respond to all of them, I do read them, and for the most part enjoy every differing opinion. OK, so maybe the ones that wish my demise aren't at the top of my bestseller list.

Nevertheless, as a writer, I can respect the ingenuity and originality of my haters when they describe in precise detail how they would dispatch me from this world.

Good or bad, writing a letter to someone or something you've never met is a great way to let go of an emotion — to cast it from your own soul out into the universe. I do a lot of that kind of writing. Sometimes, I even do the emotionally intelligent thing and throw them away instead of sending my "Gary Fury" out into the world where it can get me into trouble.

Alas, today isn't one of my smarter days, and so with that in mind, I thought I'd share a few of my recent letters.

Dear Mr. Rick Caruso,

Just wanted to let you know I've been enjoying your place a lot this summer, along with a lot of other Glendale residents. I know business is probably not as robust as you would like. But that's a sign of the times and not a measure of our shame at the deal we cut with you. There is one small thing…

I recently bought a bike. It's part of my desire not to die of a heart attack so that I may continue to irritate my ex-wife for a few more decades. I've been waking up before sunrise each day for a little cruise around the city. The other day, I was riding by your little establishment when I happened to see your gardeners and maintenance crews working to ensure your property is shiny and ready for the new day.

I noticed your crew was having some difficulties with their watering hoses. I don't know if there was some kind of malfunction or perhaps the pre-dawn light made it difficult for your employees to find the shrubs. Whatever the issue was, those hard-working fellows were watering your sidewalks and missing the plants entirely.

You've probably heard that the rest of us in Glendale have been told not to water our sidewalks and driveways, and that our water is in short supply. Glendale Water & Power has been drilling that into our heads while simultaneously threatening to raise our rates.

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