Perhaps one of them might be willing to answer a few simple questions about the conduct of daily life in Glendale, according to all of the Bible.
Is it OK for me to shoot pigeons with my BB gun inside the city limits so that I can wring their necks, scatter their blood and feathers, and burn them on my backyard altar as a sacrifice? (Leviticus 1:14-17) What about the outdoor grilling ordinance?
My neighbor insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Do I have to do it myself, or can I call one of you to come out and do it for me?
The eating of shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10). Why are you willing to tolerate the existence of Clancy's Crab Broiler in Glendale? The local Republicans sometimes meet there — where are their Biblical values?
The other day, I drove by a Glendale community garden, and saw people dressed in cotton/polyester blends planting different plant seeds in the same bed (Leviticus 19:19). Now that's what I call a double whammy! Do all of those gardeners need to be stoned to death? There sure were a lot of them.
My friend is thinking about selling his daughter into slavery, as sanctioned by Exodus 21:7, when she graduates Crescenta Valley High. Do you think he could get a better price for her if he waited a couple of years for her to finish Glendale Community College?
That made me think about getting some slaves of my own, which I understand is OK as long as they're heathens from neighboring areas (Leviticus 25:44). Can I enslave Glendale heathens, or do I need to go to Tujunga? I'll bet those medical marijuana places are full of heathens.
I could go on, but I think the point is clear that people who claim to follow all of the Bible are lying unless they're out there stoning adulterers to death on a regular basis (Deuteronomy 22:22, Leviticus 20:10).
As far as I know, the only people who still do that in the 21st Century are members of the Taliban, not Christians.
Editor's note: Weisman is a Glendale transportation and parking commissioner.